We are really lucky this week to have an amazing friend write up a guest blog for us. She wrote this up after watching this SNL skit "say what you wanna say". Check out the link and read on below! We hope you enjoy her piece as much as we did!
I am not 21, so the filter on what I once had is not catching as much as it once would have. I find that my mouth engages faster these days then it used to. When I was younger, I envisioned my inside thoughts following above my head as speech bubbles and pretended I was using good manners in not responding how I actually wanted to – not so much these days.
Have you ever met someone who you found you just didn’t have a good energy about that said, “we need to get together” or “come with me to this awesome class I am in” and your whole body is taking you to the ground and into the fetal position as your brain is making up a 101 excuses so you don’t commit out of some unfounded obligation to this person? Why do we do these things to ourselves? (Trust me, you are saying right now, “not me!, but you have.)
Lets take a visit to the local ladies wear store and head straight into the fitting room area. That’s right, cut to the chase. In that little curtained enclave to try on our precious find you turn to do a quick examination of how you look before exiting to the outer realms of the store where you are in not only full view of the customers but in front of that daunting, triple angle mirror. How is it that the exact time the salesperson pops her head around the corner with her cheery “Well that was made for you!” happens at the exact same time your eyes meet that triple “you” staring back at you. My speech bubble used to read, “You are such a liar!” I now find myself questioning their vision and suggesting their need to make an appointment with the local optometrist as they clearly are not seeing properly as this outfit, that I am seeing in triplicate, looks like I have just put on a burlap sack, (even though I do like the bedazzling stones they added to the front!)
I wish all women would take their style advise from children in kindergarten. After working in the Education field for 31 years I am well aware that fashion advise from a 5 year old is so accurate that it is scary. If a 5 year old sees you and says, “you look nice” continue to wear what they complimented you on. If that 5 year old says, “That is an ugly dress, shoes, skirt or haircut” remove the offending ugly item immediately and get rid of it as it really is ugly. Do no question it, do not ask another adult what they think, simply lose it.
Saying what we want to say in our society is frowned upon and seen as “rude”, “insensitive” or “hurtful”. That is really quite sad when you think about it. I see it as dishonest, confident and liberating. Why are we guilting ourselves into saying or doing things we don’t mean when our internal speech bubble is exploding with good comments that would be very good constructive criticism, not to mention, saving a person a lot of embarrassment and saving time all in one swift, honest comment.
Good manners must always be used to avoid being labeled a bully or shunned by society for being blunt. I think that a good place to start to say what we want to say could start closer to home and with the people we love. No, no, don’t be telling your best friend her new jeans make her back end look like the Alberta Foothills. Honest, heartfelt responses to those we love and enjoy spending time with should be respectful and are all too often not said in words or for that matter, ever expressed or endorsed in any way.
Let’s start here. Use the words: “Thank-you”, “I am sorry” and “I love you”. Use these terms and speak them from your heart.
Use Thank-you for simple things and when you are aware of the lack of verbally saying our feelings, you will see what I mean. You are not thanking people for things that could make their day and show your appreciation to them and the things they do for you.
“I am sorry”. Use it when you truly are sorry for even the smallest accidental incident. People are so busy pointing fingers and laying blame for everything that to hear the words,” I am sorry” often stops any verbal interaction momentarily to absorb and process what has just been said. These words are never used enough, and we are all guilty of not using them within our family or sincerely enough.
“I love you!” hits your ears like a song when said from the heart and is embedded there for a long time. It can heal the hurt of other harsh words heard prior to being said. “I love you!” can be the words that are felt but not uttered all too often. You never know when you leave someone if it could be the last time you ever see them so seal every exit with a heartfelt “I love you!” Neglecting to say what you want to say could leave you with a lifetime of regrets as you reflect on the last visit and you remember and your speech bubble reads, “I wish I had told them I loved them!”
Say what you wanna say! Say it often, say it in good humour and yes, use the filter of good manners. Rethink and realize you are not obligated to do or say anything that is not in your heart. Take the time to process what you really want to say without being dishonest or obligating yourself to doing or being something you don’t want to be.
Thank-you! For taking the time to read my guest blog spot. I’m sorry if you can’t see my point in all this! I love you for being yourself and at least considering some of what I have said.
I’m off now to visit some 5 year olds and pick my spring wardrobe.